finding yourself

Matt Stoo
3 min readNov 15, 2020


Have you ever thought about who you are? And what that means?

I’m not talking about your role, or social identities. You can be a friend, a brother/sister, an employee, a son/daughter, a husband/wife, a father/mother, etc. You can be a friend, a brother/sister, an employee, a son/daughter, a husband/wife, a father/mother, etc. Sometimes all of these things happen at the same time, but they are just one aspect of yourself. They do not represent who you are fundamentally inside. Your Being is who you really are inside.

To know your Inner Being you need to know your purpose, values, motivations, goals and beliefs. Not what you have been told by others, but what you have discovered by yourself. Knowing your Inner Self requires a fairly high level of introspection and awareness.

If you are clearly aware of at least half of the above, you probably have a high level of awareness. At the same time, the path of discovery has no end — it is the journey of a lifetime.

You are much more than your identities

The importance of reconnecting with your Inner Being

From the knowledge of your Inner Self comes Self-awareness.

Who is really behind your identities?

Let’s do an exercise to discover your inner self.

Start by mentally removing all the different identities you have accumulated since the beginning of your life. This means stopping thinking of yourself as a brother, a colleague, a friend, or whatever identity you are used to associating with. Just think about being yourself.

Using paper and pen, write down everything that comes to mind when you read the questions below:

  • What is my purpose in life? What purpose do I think life should have?
  • What are my future prospects for myself, independent of anyone else?
  • What goals and dreams do I have for myself for the next year, 3 years, 5 years or even 10 years?
  • What are MY motivations in life? What drives me to move forward, day after day? What am I fighting for day after day? What do I feel passionate about?
  • What are my values? What qualities are important to me?
  • What are my beliefs about the world around me? What are my views on the world?

If this is the first time you have done this kind of exercise, you will probably find it difficult. Some of your answers may come from your social identities.

For example, if you are very family-centered, you may find that your answers are completely focused on taking care of your family. It’s okay to have such answers, but it shouldn’t be the only thing that comes up.

Start by thinking beyond your family. What are your prospects for yourself outside of your family? What are your personal motivations in life?

Don’t worry if you have trouble finding things. Even if you feel like you’re writing on a blank page, there is a real YOU behind all these social identities, waiting to be discovered.

Here are a few steps that I think are very helpful in discovering this Inner Being:

  • Learn and evolve constantly, in all areas.
  • Immerse myself in new situations, and get out of my comfort zone to learn more about myself.
  • Constantly introspecting myself.
  • Looking beyond what I am offered or told, to discover what I really want for myself.
  • Listen to my instincts as they are expressed.

By way of doing this exercise, you have got already brought about the quest system. No matter how deeply rooted your Inner Being is in you right now, this search will slowly but surely expand to stir the depths of your soul.

You will begin to become more aware of your thoughts and actions. Soon you will be able to get a sense of who you really are inside. Eventually you will get to the point where you know clearly who you are as a person.

How to align with your Inner Self

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